


Show Me Who I Am

by Blue_Night



Series: Masters And Boys [16]
Category: Football RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, BDSM, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, Fights, Fivesome - M/M/M/M/M, Insecurity, M/M, Master/boy-relationship, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Passion, re-bonding, struggles, talks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-05-29 13:24:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 19,520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15074096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_Night/pseuds/Blue_Night
Summary: Thomas, Marco and Robert are in Russia while Erik and Jonas stay in Dortmund, fighting their own battles and fights with their inner demons and each other.Part 15 of the journey of Master Erik, his mate Dom Thomas, and their three boys Jonas, Marco and Robert.





	1. Torn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mariothellama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mariothellama/gifts).



> My dearest mariothellama,
> 
> you asked for a part focusing on Jonas and Erik while Thomas, Marco and Robert are far away in Russia. I actually didn't want to write such a part, but after the horrible game against Mexico I sat down and started with this fic last week. Today I finally sat down to finish the first chapter. I had wanted this to be an oneshot but decided that the last events require a multi-chapter part. Finishing this will take a while, I guess, and I have no clue if this is what you wanted to read, so I hope that you won't be too disappointed, my dear. <33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas is struggling with his longing for Thomas, feeling unhappy and torn between his love for his two Doms unexpectedly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started writing this chapter after the first match against Mexico and added only the last few paragraphs today. This series is based on the real events in the football world from 2014 on, and the other matches will be a topic in the forthcoming chapters as well, but I decided to wait with Erik's possible and unfortunately likely transfer until it will be fixed or cancelled and therefore added only a few hints to this chapter.

The house is silent without the others.

Too silent.

It is too big without his two mates being there as well. Without Thomas being there as well.

Jonas suppresses a sigh as he shoots Erik a furtive glance. Only six months ago, he would have sworn an oath that he could never love any other Dom than Erik. His beloved Master. His former boyfriend, his first love.

But Robert – Blacky, how Jonas calls Erik's oldest boy tenderly – was living alone and far away in Munich, and he'd fallen in love with his teammate Thomas slowly but without any chance to deny his deep feelings for the younger Münchner. Thomas is a strong Dom like Erik is, and yet so different from their wonderful Master, laid back and much more touchy, giving Robert something he'd obviously missed until then without realizing that himself.

Jonas didn't understand it back then. He didn't understand how Robert could merely think of longing for another Dom when he had Erik to give him what he needed so perfectly. Jonas had at least thought that Robert had everything he needed, and it was hard for him to understand and to accept that Robert wanted to become Thomas' boy. He was so jealous of Thomas at first, fearing that the older Dom would take Robert's love away from Erik.

And from Jonas.

But Thomas didn't. On the contrary, the strongest Dom next to Erik Jonas has ever met opened his heart and his arms not only for Robert, but also for Marco and Jonas as well, and even for Erik.

Instead of considering the first Dom of his new boy a threat and fighting against Erik, Thomas became his kind and caring mate, giving the younger Dom what he had craved for without even knowing it. Jonas still remembers the first time he was allowed to watch Erik and Thomas being intimate, still fighting and struggling, but already falling for each other without any chance to keep their distance from one another any longer.

Jonas still remembers how unhappy and confused he felt when not Robert looked longingly at Thomas, but his beloved Master suddenly had the same expression of want and love in his eyes whenever he looked at his former rival. Jonas didn't want to fall in love with Thomas after seeing Erik falling for Thomas' charms so easily, he really didn't, but it is almost impossible not to love the cheerful Münchner with the sparkling eyes and the crooked smile. His love for Thomas Müller washed over Jonas like a tsunami, and now he's missing his second Dom so badly that it is a physical pain in his heart.

Especially after the first night they'd spent alone together. Thomas had taken him out to give his mate the chance to re-bond with his two older boys undisturbed, spending a special night together with them like they'd done it so often in old times before Marco and Robert would leave him to play the World Cup in Russia.

Jonas was jealous like hell and suffering seriously because of his jealousy when he left Thomas' house to go out with his older Dom at first, but Thomas treating him like a precious and fragile treasure, courting him and turning their own exclusive night into a real date consoled him and made him forget his jealousy pretty quickly. They watched a movie and had dinner in one of Thomas' favorite restaurants, and they even 'parked' afterwards, something Jonas had secretly longed to do again in a very long time.

The brunet Gladbacher knows that he's a sub, that he needs a strong Dom to take care of him – two strong Doms to be precise – his wonderful Master Erik and his golden lion Thomas. He has made his peace with his submissive nature a long time ago finally, after years of struggling and fighting hard against his own true self - and against Erik and his love therefore as well. But sometimes, only sometimes, Jonas truly wished that he wouldn't be a sub through and through, but just Erik and Thomas' boyfriend.

He can't talk with Erik about this, not after what they have been through at the beginning of their complicated relationship. Their road has been such a long, winding and rocky one, and Jonas simply can't hurt his Master and tear these old wounds open again. Especially not after Erik's own suffering for more than two years. Erik is good at hiding his feelings, but being almost permanently injured for more than two years has taken its toll on his Master, and his difficult job situation is only making everything worse. Jonas knows that, and he tries to be understanding and suppress his own worries and doubts for Erik's sake, no matter how hard it is for him not to tell Erik that he's been thinking a lot of the times when they'd been just boyfriends and nothing else lately.

But it was easy to confess his most private thoughts and wishes to Thomas, to tell him how much he longs for just being his and Erik's boyfriend for a few hours now and then. His golden lion wasn't angry or hurt – Jonas' fears about Thomas' first reaction to his confession luckily being ungrounded here - and he didn't shrug or laugh Jonas' wish away either. Instead he parked with Jonas and took him in his arms, kissing him and telling him that they could indeed be just boyfriends for a while.

They made love in the car like Jonas had dreamed of, passionately and tenderly, fulfilling Jonas' wildest dreams and even those he hadn't dared to dream at all. And now Jonas is head over heels in love with Thomas – even more than he was in love with his older Dom before that night - and he's missing him so much that he wants to cry.

Jonas thinks that he wouldn't perhaps miss Thomas that much if their teams hadn't played as bad as they actually did – their German and their Polish team. Jonas was so happy for Marco and Robert that they would be a part of the World Cup and play in Russia. He was happy for Thomas too of course, but most of all for his beloved Blondie and his beloved Blacky. Jonas knows that Thomas would understand him if he told him that Marco and Robert playing a great WM is much more important to him than Thomas doing that, and he does believe that Erik and Thomas actually feel the same way, so doesn't have a bad conscience here.

But after these two first matches Jonas can't help but fear the worst, and his sadness about their two totally unnecessary losses increases the feeling of homesickness he has because Thomas, Marco and Robert aren't here in Dortmund together with Erik and him.

His Master has come back to Dortmund only a couple of days ago after spending his holidays with some of his old friends, and Jonas should be happy to have him back and for himself for a few weeks, but he is too confused to be happy, and he has a bad conscience that he didn't miss Erik as much as he's missing Thomas at the moment. Erik really needed this time alone and away from everything that reminds him so painfully of his own long history of injuries, and Jonas was actually grateful to have some time alone and on his own as well.

Even more because of what Erik has announced before they all parted, wanting his mate and his three beloved boys to be the first ones to know about it. Jonas is well aware that his Master will probably not have any other chance if he doesn't want his career to be over, but it hurts like hell nevertheless, and Jonas tries hard to push the memory of this conversation back to the farthest corner of his mind and not think of it until after the WM. He's even angry with Erik to some extent, even though he has no reason for that at all. Erik is too young to give up his career and his dreams, and it would be selfish to expect him to do that for his boys and his mate, and Jonas knows that, but his heart feels hurt and yearns for Thomas being there and kissing his hurt away instead of Erik being the only one keeping him company over the next weeks. It's wrong to feel that way, but feelings simply aren't reasonable and rational, and his mind starts to spin every time he tries to understand with his mind how it happened that he fell in love with four people, one after the other and without falling out of love with the first ones because of his new loves.

Being in love with four other men – two Doms and their two other boys - is amazing, but it is also pretty scaring and straining sometimes, and Jonas feels torn and conflicted, sitting on the fence in some way. The youngest boy of their uncommon fivesome still tries to come to terms with missing Thomas more than he'd actually missed Erik when his Master was so far away, and he has a hard time meeting Erik's glance when his first Dom looks at him.

They have watched the awful game Robert's team played together, not really in the mood to talk afterwards when they were preparing their late dinner and eating their light meal together, being stuck in awkward silence most of the time, carefully avoiding any delicate topic when they were yet asking a question or making a comment once in a while when the silence between them became too much to bear.

Now they're more or less enjoying the quiet evening sitting on two comfortable loungers in Marco's huge garden,  
both of them lost in their own thoughts as they sip from their beer.

“Come here, sweetheart,” Erik says when Jonas eventually gazes at him, offering a smile and his hand to his youngest boy. His gentle order is actually more a request than a real order, and Jonas finds himself musing about shaking his head for a split second. The dismay he feels about his reluctance to be close to Erik is like a cold iron ring around his heart, and he hurries to get up and come into Erik's arms, straddling his thighs and burying his nose in the warm crook of Erik's sun-kissed neck when his Master wraps his arms around him.

He breathes in Erik's familiar scent, pushing his disappointment when he can't detect Thomas' natural perfume beneath it back into the farthest corner of his mind like he's trying to push his anger and confusion away these days. Erik and Thomas had spent a few hours alone as well before they'd all had to say goodbye to each other, and Jonas somehow had hoped that Erik would still smell of the older Dom.

Erik is stroking his back and gently tugging at his chin to make his youngest boy look at him, and Jonas lifts his head from Erik's shoulders hesitantly, his mind swimming and throbbing with a starting headache because of the inner turmoil he tries to keep hidden from his Master.

“Missed you, sweetheart,” Erik whispers as he searches for his lips, and Jonas closes his eyes when their mouths touch, focusing on his breathing. His Master doesn't kiss and touch his boys as often as they would crave for his kisses and touches, and Jonas has always valued Erik's kisses as the precious treasures they actually are, rare, wonderful and something truly special and deeply cherished.

But in this moment, when Erik kisses him while his youngest boy is longing so badly for the kisses of his other Dom, his kiss feels wrong and somehow like a betrayal. Jonas makes a sound of distress and pain, almost recoiling from Erik's warm and tight embrace.

He's hyperventilating, staring down at Erik with wide eyes, the face of his beautiful Master starting to spin until Jonas feels sick and dizzy. He pushes himself up onto his feet and away from the lounger where Erik is sitting, staring back at him in shock.

“I'm sorry, I can't... not now... I'm sorry!” Jonas stammers, his voice sounding strange and distorted in his own ears, and before Erik has even the chance to react, Jonas runs in the direction of the door, his only goal to put as much distance between himself and his Master as he's able to do.


	2. Hurt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas has run away from Erik, spending the night in the guestroom. The next morning, they meet in the kitchen again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest mariothellama,  
> this chapter was actually planned in a totally different way, but Jonas and Erik had other plans. I hope that this is still what you hoped for because Jonas really never fails to surprise me. :-)

Jonas pulls his knees to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around them.

He buries his face in between his forearms as he concentrates on taking slow breaths, hoping that the dizziness will fade this way. He's locked himself in the guestroom – the same room where he sought shelter when Marco asked him to let him watch their Master make love to him for the very time.

Back then, when Jonas had just become Erik's boy again a couple of days ago. Not more than three years have passed since then, but for Jonas it feels like a lifetime in this moment.

Erik's voice sounds through the closed door, too quiet and distorted for Jonas to understand the words, but the urgency and concern in it are still audible. Jonas squeezes his eyes shut, and he swallows down the bitter bile rising in his throat.

_“Is everything okay, Jonas? Sweetheart, please talk to me, tell me what's wrong!”_ Erik is probably asking for the fifteenth time when Jonas is finally able to understand him after a few more minutes, pausing in between to give his boy the chance to answer to him.

Jonas opens his mouth, but nothing comes out, and he has to clear his throat several times before his vocal chords obey him.

“I'm okay, Erik, please, I just need some time alone!” he croaks out, flinching at the hoarseness of his own voice, hoping that Erik will give up his attempts to make him come out of his shelter any time soon. He's not ready to face his Master, he's not ready to explain his confused feelings to him.

He's not ready to feel Erik's touch, the touch of a Dom who's not his golden lion.

Not now. Maybe, he will never be again, Jonas doesn't know. All he does know is that he's still craving his older Dom so much that he's almost choking on his desperate longing, his longing for Thomas to be there and help him through this mess with his understanding and his love. His need for the Münchner is erasing any coherent and reasonable thought, leaving him throbbing and aching deep inside, and being alone with Erik in this far too big house only increases his need for Thomas and his despair.

But Thomas isn't there, and he has his own problems to fight with after the lost game against Mexico and the abysmal performance of their team. His older Dom is most likely not even thinking of him at the moment, trying to understand how they could play that terribly and trusting Erik to take care of their youngest boy and keep him safe and happy.

His golden lion can't know that the magical date night he spent with his brave one how Thomas calls Jonas has put his third boy in such a serious dilemma and terrible state of mind, and Jonas can't tell him that either, no way. He can't load this burden upon Thomas's shoulders, not after what he has just seen happening to the German and the Polish team on the TV screen. He has to find a way out of his confusion and despair all by himself – even though Jonas has no bloody clue how to do that. Jonas swallows again when more bile threatens to rise in his throat, filling his mouth with its bitter taste, and he strains his ears in order not to miss Erik's reaction.

There is silence on the other side of the door for a rather long time, and Jonas holds his breath, waiting for Erik's next move. It comes in form of heavy footsteps echoing through the corridor, becoming more and more quiet with every step Erik's making in the other direction – away from the guestroom and away from his youngest boy.

Jonas draws in a shaky breath of relief, but there is a tiny voice deep inside his head whispering disappointed that his Master hasn't tried harder to get through to him and make his boy open the door for him. Erik hasn't even answered to his plea, not with words at least. Instead, he just turned around to leave, and Jonas feels new anger and hurt clenching his heart like a giant fist.

_'He doesn't love you any longer – not as much as he loves his mate and his two other boys. He went on holiday without you, and now he's just walking away again instead of trying to fight for you! He begrudges you the wonderful night you had with your lion, and this even though he didn't even look at you for hours, caring only about Marco and Robert!'_ the voice whispers mockingly and angrily, and a small whimper escapes Jonas' lips. He buries his face deeper into his arms, rocking back and forth against the white wall where he's crouching under the window, hoping that the voice will stop whispering if he just ignores it for long enough.

 

***

 

It is long past midnight when Jonas sneaks out of the guestroom to drink some water and brush his teeth in the bath that belongs to the guestrooms on this floor. The house is dark and quiet, but Jonas still fears that Erik will hear him rummage around, and he hurries back to his shelter as soon as he's finished with his bedtime routine, locking the door again and lying down on the bed. He doesn't undress, just pulls the covers over his head to block out any sound. It's hot and sticky and uncomfortable, and Jonas craves for some tender arms holding him, but he just pulls the covers firmly around himself, curling up into a small ball.

Erik would surely offer him his arms to hold him if Jonas could only bring himself to go to him and apologize for his stupid behavior, but Erik's youngest boy is too hurt and confused to do that, and he finally succumbs to the slumber of exhaustion after two more hours of tossing and turning and heavy thinking, pictures of Erik's face looking either hurt or mocking at him following him into his heavy dreams.

 

***

 

Erik is already up when Jonas comes into the kitchen the next morning, busied with making breakfast for both of them. Jonas stops on the threshold, biting down on his lip uncertainly when he notices how Erik's shoulders stiffen visibly under his flickering gaze. “Good morning, Erik,” he says, knowing that he is the one who has to make the first move after his precipitate flight and his hurtful behavior last night.

“Good morning, Jonas.” Erik looks up from the coffee machine he'd just been filling with water when Jonas emerged in the doorway. His handsome features are carefully controlled, his expression unreadable, but there are shadows under his beautiful hazel-green eyes, and their color is shaded and dull this morning. Erik's normally full pink lips are thinner than usual, and his hands are trembling ever so slightly when he goes back to his task after regarding Jonas carefully and cautiously for a few seconds, spooning coffee powder into the coffee dripper.

Marco had actually bought a modern machine that makes any kind of coffee from espresso to latte macchiato, but Erik prefers the machine that brews coffee the traditional way. It is the same machine Jonas still remembers from his visits at Erik's home near Pirmasens, the coffee machine that uses boiling water instead of heating it up to seventy degrees only. Coffee brewed with boiling water tastes much better than coffee being made with a normal coffee machine – handmade, rich and strong.

Jonas feels something stir inside him at the familiar sight, but he suppresses the memories that want to come to the surface of his mind, clinging almost grimly to his rightful annoyance and his heartache Erik has caused with his inconsiderate demeanor. Erik deserves to feel as bad as Jonas himself does, but his heart aches even more at that thought.

Some of the powder misses the dripper because of Erik's trembling hands, and Jonas knows that he is responsible for Erik's bad state. His Master normally doesn't even need to look at what he's doing when he's making coffee for his boys and his mate, never spilling water or coffee powder. But today he needs two attempts to adjust the glass pot the right way, and watching him struggle his way through the movements he's learned by heart years ago is somehow even more painful than Erik looking longingly at his two other boys was for Jonas.

Erik might have been selfish over the last weeks, but his deep concern for his youngest boy was palpable even through the closed door yesterday, and Jonas is sure that his Master has slept even less than he did last night. His anger finally starts to fade, but his confusion and his hurt are still there, forming a lump in his throat that makes it hard for him to speak.

“I'm sorry, Erik, I shouldn't have run away like that.” Jonas is almost surprised about his own words, and his reluctance must have been showing in his voice, because Erik doesn't look at him when he pauses in his doing again, before going to carefully wiping the counter clean.

“Yes, you shouldn't have, Jonas. But it's obvious that you were too hurt to think reasonably and talk to me, and I did respect that you wanted to be left alone last night.” Erik braces his hands against the counter, slowly turning his head to finally look at Jonas again. “Whatever I said or did to hurt you that much, I am sorry for that, Jonas. Hurting you was never my intention.”

It's not what Erik said or did that hurt Jonas, it's actually more what he did not say or do over the last weeks. The younger one feels the well-known defiance raise its ugly head again, and he unconsciously balls his fists when he wraps his arms around himself in some kind of attempt to protect himself.

“It was not? Then you probably didn't even realize that you were ignoring me completely for so long? Making goo-goo-eyes at Marco and Robert before their departure without sparing me even a short glance, going on vacations with your friends afterwards without bothering to ask me whether or not I would be okay with that and... and... looking for another club without really talking about it with us...me... that you are actually thinking about leaving Dortmund... leaving Germany?!”

Jonas snaps his mouth shut when he realizes that he's just been yelling at his Master, but he lifts his chin up, ready to fight if Erik should merely think of wanting to punish him for finally getting his hurt feelings off his chest and tell Erik that he hasn't felt cared about and loved by him for weeks.

Erik has paled visibly, and his jaw is working, but his voice is calm and quiet when he speaks up again after considering his next words carefully. “I wasn't ignoring you, Jonas, not the least. I am sorry that my wish to spend a few hours with Marco and Robert alone before their departure made you feel left out, and I understand your jealousy, but this was not about me not desiring or loving you enough any longer. And the same goes for my vacation. Have I ever begrudged you the time you spent with your old friends without me? The weekends when you told me that you couldn't visit me because they had invited you? Back then when we were together for the first time - or the many days you've spent with them ever since you became my boy again?”

No, Erik has never done that. He'd always smiled and wished Jonas a great time with his friends, but Jonas doesn't want to be reminded of that now, not when he's feeling so confused and hurt, craving for Thomas to be there so badly. Thomas would understand him, Thomas wouldn't give him the feeling that he's just a stupid and selfish child, a weak sub who needs a strong Dom to guide him. Thomas is willing to be his boyfriend instead of his Dom when Jonas asks him – something Erik would never do – at least not after what they have been through.

“I'm not jealous!” he snaps helplessly instead of answering to Erik's question, and Erik quirks one of his eyebrows at him. “You're not?” he simply asks back, but he's not as calm as he appears to be, only his astonishing self-control keeping him from showing his own anger and hurt openly to his defiant boy. Erik is still Jonas' Master even when he's in such a poor state, controlled and in charge of their fights, and Jonas truly wishes that Erik would for once yell back at him and give him a reason to blame him. He can see Erik's knuckles turn white as he presses his hands against the wooden top to stay where he is instead of storming out of the kitchen like Jonas did last night, but it is the only visible sign of the inner turmoil that must be raging inside the older one.

“No, I'm not. I just think that it would be fair if you'd finally tell me what Marco and Robert can give you that you're obviously missing so much when you're together with me!” Jonas accuses him, and his breath catches in his throat when his eyes fall upon his phone lying on the kitchen table. He'd left it in the garden yesterday evening, so it must have been Erik putting it there.

Jonas pales when he remembers his last chats with Thomas and all the hints about their wonderful night they dropped in their messages. Erik is his Master and Jonas is his boy, if Erik feels the need to check his phone, then he can do it without his boy's permission.

Erik follows his gaze, and he looks so hurt when he catches what Jonas secretly blames him of that the younger one blushes with shame. “I would never spy on you like this, Jonas. You can check it. I put it there to make sure that nothing happens to your phone, but I didn't touch it. If you can truly believe that I would read your messages and mails behind your back, then our problems are much more serious than I thought them to be.” Erik doesn't even sound angry, only taken aback and exhausted.

Jonas feels bad, but his damn defiance doesn't allow him to apologize. Not after Erik ignoring him for so long, keeping him at arm's length and refusing to tell him why he wanted to be alone with Marco and Robert. Erik has spent time alone with Marco or Robert before that night of course, and Jonas had never said anything because he got his time alone with Erik as well, but the last time it was just the two of them has been months ago, and Thomas joining their relationship and Jonas falling so unexpectedly for him has thrown him off and makes it hard for him to fight against his constant jealousy and uncertainty about his position in this fragile and delicate fivesome.

Jonas shrugs his shoulders in a helpless gesture at Erik's remark, staring at the cupboard behind Erik with unseeing eyes.

“It doesn't matter anyway, I guess, I'm sure that Thomas has already reported every little detail of our night to you.”

Erik frowns, and he lets out a heartfelt sigh as he starts the coffee machine at last and turns around to lean against the counter and rub his forehead. “Thomas didn't do that. Why would he? I could see how happy the two of you were the next morning, so I thought that you must have enjoyed yourselves, and I was happy about that. Thomas would never tell me what you're doing when you're alone together, Jonas.”

Jonas swallows. “He didn't? Not even that we had dinner after watching a movie?”

“Not even that, Jonas. And to answer your next question: I didn't ask him about your night either. Not because I don't care or because I'm not jealous. Of course I'm jealous like hell that Thomas is able to make you smile and your eyes shine like that while all I'm getting from you are frowns and pouts lately. But that's my problem, not yours, and knowing about what you're doing together wouldn't make me be any less jealous than I actually am. But that's not the point here.  
Such a relationship like ours can never work out on the long run without each of us granting the others their privacy. Love alone won't make it work, no matter how deep our love for each other is. Trust, respect and privacy are just as much important as love is to make this work. I know that you want to know more about the times I spend with your two mates or with your older Dom, that you're hoping that it will make you feel safer and more loved, less jealous and unsure.  
But the opposite is true, Jonas. Only if you accept that we don't own each other – that we don't have the right to know every little thing about the other ones – then you will feel safe and happy. I love you, sweetheart. More than words can express, please don't you ever doubt that again.”

Jonas stares at Erik, his mind spinning from all of this. He'd been so jealous and angry and hurt, he'd even started to doubt his feelings for Erik after his wonderful night with Thomas, but his love for Erik is crushing him like a huge wave in this moment, and he throws himself into Erik's arms without thinking, without asking for permission beforehand, hoping that his Master will know how much he needs to feel and touch him.

Erik's arms welcome him tenderly, pulling him close to his warm body, and Jonas buries his nose in his neck like he did it just a couple of hours ago. But this time he doesn't try to detect Thomas' scent beneath Erik's natural fragrance, quite the opposite. He inhales greedily the beloved scent of his Master, his first love, first boyfriend and his first Dom, wishing he could crawl into him so badly that he's shaking.

“I'm sorry, Erik, I'm so sorry. I was so confused and hurt, and I miss them so much – I miss Thomas so much...”

“I know, sweetheart, I know. And I am sorry that I wasn't there for you as much as I should have been, but I really needed this time out with my old friends to recharge my batteries again. It had nothing to do with me not wanting you by my side, really not. I know that I've failed you, and spending some time far away from everything was what I needed to come to terms with a lot of things.”

“I know.” Jonas really does, finally. Erik is one of the strongest people he's ever met, a natural strong Dom, but he's also been an injured footballer for two years, and even the strongest people need a shoulder to lean on now and then. Jonas knows most of Erik's childhood friends, and he has to admit that he could never give his beloved Master what they can give him. There are others things only he can do for him, and there are some things only Marco, Robert or Thomas can do for Erik. Realizing that is like a heavy weight eventually being lifted from his shoulder, and Jonas promises silently that he will never ever forget this important truth again.

He smiles tearily when Erik gently pushes him away to cup his face with his hands and look him in the eyes, his heart wanting to burst with all the love he feels for the beautiful young man who has never given up on him – even not when Jonas was about to give up on himself.

“I need to get away from here for a couple of days, sweetheart. There is also a lot we have to talk about, and I do believe that it will be much easier for us to do that somewhere else. Do you want to come with me to the Pfälzer Wald, Jonas? To the place where everything began?”


	3. Escape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Jonas leave Dortmund to stay at Erik's childhood home for a couple of days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest mariothellama,  
> I hurried with this chapter to distract you a little bit, it is a bit short therefore but it seemed to be better to let their departure from Dortmund and arrival in the Pfälzer Wald be a chapter on its own. I hope that it will console you a bit. <33

They pack their things after breakfast, both of them eager to leave the far too big and empty house.

Jonas is pretty sure that Erik feels the same way about their home, even though his Master is keeping his thoughts to himself mostly, not talking much after their first cautious convergence a few hours ago. It still bothers him, but Jonas can see that the older one is not in the state to open up to him before they have put some distance between Dortmund and themselves. It's not that Erik wants to lock him out, it's just that some things need to be said on neutral ground to keep emotions at bay.

Dortmund and especially this house is the place where Erik grew up to the astonishing young man and the strong Dom he is now, but it is also the place where so many things went so terribly wrong over the last four years – the far too many injuries Marco and Erik suffered from, ruining their promising careers. Marco missed the World Cup that made his teammates – Erik – become World Champions, he missed the Euros two years later again, and his next injury kept him from being a part of the Confed Cup team.

No one really expected Germany to win the Confed Cup last year, but they did, another title on the long list of titles Marco is missing because his body gave up once more. The one title he'd won shortly before the Confed started can never really make up for all those he's missed, and Marco had to pay a high price for this one title – another injury adding to the already far too long list that cost him so much more than it might have been worth it.

Erik and Marco's beloved yellow and black club – the club Jonas secretly still loves himself pretty much - missed so many chances, having to watch München lift the cup or the championship shield into the night air of the stadium far too often. Being the second winner means to be the first loser, and Marco has lost so many times that Jonas can't help but wonder how his mate is ever going to cope with that. And now that he's finally a part of the team – an important part – they started the biggest tournament in the world in the worst way possible, losing against Mexico and falling apart completely over the ninety minutes.

Erik must suffer deeply on Marco's behalf, even more than Jonas is suffering for his wonderful Blondie as Marco's caring Master, and to add to his worries and pain he has to deal with the fact that his beloved BVB doesn't want him any longer after two long years of being injured himself. Stuttgart would have been an option last year, the distance manageable, but it didn't work out, and now they all have to prepare themselves for Erik perhaps leaving Germany to play in another country for the next years.

His Master hasn't said much about Huddersfield, and he's always locked himself in another room when he was talking to his agency, something the footballer Jonas understands while the boy Jonas feels deeply hurt. The prospect of losing his Master, seeing him only rare times in the future, having to rely on Skype and text messages for weeks and months is too scary for Jonas to merely think of it, but he simply can't stop thinking of it, and he'd rather know for certain that Erik is leaving him than keep on hoping that Erik will stay in Germany just to find his hopes being crashed in a couple of days.

And then there are Robert and Thomas.

Robert longing so badly to finally win the Champions League with a great club, longing to win the World Cup after the amazing qualification the Polish team had played. But they've lost their first match too, playing even worse than the German team did, and Jonas' beloved Blacky doesn't even have Thomas or Marco by his side to console him, having to rely on vacuous and short messages instead. Not that Robert has typed much over the last couple of days, their schedule is tight and Jonas can imagine that the oldest one of their trio isn't really in the mood to chat and answer questions he doesn't have answers to at all.

The same goes for Thomas, who has been rather quiet since their lost game. Jonas understands his older Dom, he isn't the one wanting to chat after such a loss either, but Thomas' silence only adds to his own worries and his misery, no matter how understandable it might be. Jonas didn't want to bother him and bombard him with messages, but his fingers twitch with the wish to text his lion every time he takes his phone to check it, disappointment tasting bitter in his mouth when the screen stays dark and silent.

The young Gladbacher heaves a relieved sigh when the door closes behind them and they can finally climb into Erik's car to leave the city that has become their beloved home and their biggest enemy at the same time. Jonas has always loved coming back to Dortmund and Marco and Erik's home that is still his home as well, but now he can hardly wait to leave the city, and he bites his lips when he sees Erik's knuckles turn white when the older one clenches his fingers around the steering wheel instead of starting the engine.

Erik just sits there for a moment with closed eyes, inhaling and exhaling several times until he finally relaxes and opens his eyes again. Jonas so wants to touch him, but no sound comes out of his mouth when he opens it, and so he stays silent and turns his head to look out of the side window instead, his own fingers entangled between his thighs to keep them from reaching out for the other one.

His Master hasn't offered him to touch him without permission after their at least partly reconciliation, and Jonas knows that he isn't allowed to do that again - like he did when he embraced him earlier this morning without asking - if he doesn't want to have to face the consequences and start their impromptu holiday with a punishment.

They drive in silence most of the way, both of them deeply lost in their thoughts, Erik simply shaking his head with a brief strained smile when Jonas offers him to sit behind the steering wheel for a while. The older one looks tired, his eyes red-rimmed because of the lack of sleep, but his lips are pressed to a grim line, and his hands grasp the wheel as if it was his only lifeline.

Jonas sighs again but doesn't object, his eyes drooping shut almost unnoticed while he watches the landscape fly past them on their way to the place where all had started – back then when he and Erik had been just two young men crazy in love for the first time in their lives.

 

***

 

They arrive in the small village where Erik's parents live around half past two, Erik gently shaking Jonas awake as he turns onto the driveway leading to the house where he spent a happy and untroubled childhood. Jonas blinks several times against the dizziness and disorientation he feels after having been sound asleep, and he swallows and looks into the rear mirror to smooth out his tousled hair and rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“You're cute like this, sweetheart, please don't do that,” Erik says, and he sounds so wistful that Jonas feels his heart clench. “I don't want to give your parents a bad first impression after the long time they haven't seen me,” he mumbles, and Erik smiles melancholy at him. “This could never happen, they love you, Jonas. They have loved you right from first sight on. All they ever wanted was Lisa and me to be happy, and you're making me happy – always have. Besides, they're not here anyway, they're on holiday.”

Jonas frowns. “I see,” he says, even though he doesn't understand why Erik's parents would want to go on holiday rather than stay at home to support their son when he is about to leave his old club and maybe even his homeland to play for a new one in another country. “I'd just thought that they would want to be with you during the negotiations,” he drawls, and Erik pulls a face.

“They did want to stay. But they had planed these holidays for so long, they were so looking forward to this trip, and I told them to go. I didn't want to be the reason why they had to cancel it.” Jonas can see a tiny muscle twitch in Erik's jaw, and he knows better than to push the issue. He's actually glad that they will be alone if he's completely honest to himself, even though he really likes Erik's parents. They have always been kind to him, treating him like a second son, but having to hide their problems from them would be too hard for Jonas in his current state of mind – and for Erik most likely as well.

They grab their bags and enter the house as silently as they have been during the long drive, but Jonas can finally breathe again, the huge weight that has pressed down on his shoulders and his chest becoming less and less heavy with every step he takes.

There are a few changes, another picture hanging at the wall over the large couch in the living room, a new, larger table with comfortable chairs inviting to sit down and enjoy the cooking skills of Erik's mother or Erik himself. Jonas takes in the sight, breathes in the still familiar scent of Erik's childhood home, and he watches Erik doing the same, his elegant fingers stroking almost tenderly over the shining wood of the backrest of one of the chairs. Jonas remembers how Erik's mother always sat there when he visited Erik, and a sudden bout of homesickness tightens his throat. He hadn't realized how much he actually misses his own family until this moment, and he averts his gaze to give Erik a moment of privacy as he struggles with his own emotions, needing a few seconds to himself just as much.

Tender arms wrap themselves around him from behind and warm lips kiss him on top of his ruffled shock of hair, and Jonas leans back against the taller one, letting himself be held gratefully. They stand like this for a while in the middle of the room, and Jonas turns around when Erik takes him by his shoulders, looking up into the beautiful eyes of his Master.

“Thank you for coming with me, sweetheart,” Erik says, his voice rough with exhaustion. “You're welcome,” Jonas gives back, entangling his fingers behind Erik's back to embrace him. His Master observes him for a moment, and Jonas so wants to kiss and stroke the thin lines around his eyes and his mouth that speak of sleepless nights and deep worries. He returns Erik's thoughtful gaze and lifts his right hand to his face, stopping a few inches before it, his fingers hovering in the air.

“May I touch you?” he asks, gently cupping Erik's warm cheek when his Master nods his head. The older one is pale under his tan, his smooth skin shimmering almost grayish in the bright light of the summer sun shining through the large window front. Jonas traces along the lines with his fingertips, mapping the fascinating landscape of Erik's handsome male features with his fingers, his heart swelling with all the love he feels for his Master when Erik presses into his touch with a small sound that is something in between a purr, a sigh and a sob.

“You need to sleep, my Master,” he tells him, because sometimes the boy has to take the lead and tell his Master what's good for him. Another sigh escapes Erik's lips, and he nods his head, covering Jonas' hand with his own. “We need to talk, sweetheart, but you're right, I really need to sleep at first – we both need to sleep.” He pauses for the blink of an eye, and there is uncertainty in his hooded gaze when he asks: “Will you let me hold you this time when we sleep, Jonas?”

Jonas smiles at him, and there is only one possible answer to Erik's question. “There is nothing I want more than to sleep in your arms, Erik.”

The smile his Master gifts him with is brighter than the sun, and Jonas snuggles close to Erik's side when the taller one wraps his arms around his shoulder to guide him upstairs to his old room, the room where Jonas gifted his virginity to Erik such a long time ago.


	4. Stories told

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas and Erik settle in and start to relax in the Pfälzer Wald. When they visit the Dahner Castle Group, Jonas tells Erik a very special story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest mariothellama,  
> this chapter is a very special one, I hope that it will put a smile on your face. <33

They sleep cuddled up against each other in Erik's old bed for the rest of the day and the whole following night, stripped down to their underwear and covered only with a light blanket.

They only get up for an hour or so when the sun is already setting to have a quick dinner consisting of the supplies they have brought with them, some bread, cheese and sausage. Neither of them is really hungry though, and they soon fall back into bed and each other's arms after an even quicker bedtime routine.

Erik's arms are holding him tight during their sleep, and Jonas' head is pillowed on Erik's shoulder, his nose buried in the warm crook between Erik's neck and shoulder, but they don't kiss or touch one another in any other way.

They make themselves comfortable in the house over the next couple of days, buying more supplies and food to fill the large fridge, and they take long walks or lie in the garden behind the house on two cozy loungers doing not much more than dozing and relaxing. They don't talk much during that time, but Jonas is fine with the silence between them this time, because it is not loaded with anger, hurt or hard feelings any longer, but thoughtful and filled with anticipation. The younger one senses that his Master simply needs some time to think about what he wants to tell his boy, and Jonas also realized after their arrival when he slept so perfectly in Erik's arms that he needs some time to think about what he wants to tell Erik at first just as much.

They keep their daily conversations as light as they keep their meals, talking about an interesting article one of them has read or making plans for the places they want to visit. Jonas had almost forgotten how beautiful Erik's childhood home actually is, and he is more than ready to climb the green mountains and visit the proud castle ruins sitting enthroned on top of the large rocks, some of them looking like rocks themselves.

They sleep in Erik's bed together every night, holding each other tight, but Erik doesn't try to kiss him again except for some tender kisses on his cheek or his forehead, exhaustion still radiating from him, and Jonas is too shy to ask him for more, thinking that he has no right to ask anything from his Master before they haven't talked to each other properly.

His desire for his Master is building slowly but strongly and visibly, and Jonas lies awake at night two or three hours, cuddled up against Erik's chest, the sweet ache of his unfulfilled desire throbbing between his legs. The younger one is actually surprised hat he isn't tempted to sneak out of their bed and see to his needs in the seclusion of the bathroom, but he knows that nothing else other than Erik making love to him will truly satisfy him, and he really doesn't want to make Erik sad again with his behavior.

Erik takes him to the Dahner Castle Group the next day, three impressive castles from different centuries lying next to each other like giant pearls threaded on a string. They stroll through the ancient ruins, taking pictures of the landscape and each other and musing about the knights and ladies that must once have lived there.

Summer has taken a short break, it's cooler and not as sunny as it had been before, but Jonas doesn't mind the clouds and the cool breeze blowing through the reddish ruins when he sits on one of the walls next to Erik, enjoying an impromptu picnic made of the food they've brought with them and the peaceful quiet surrounding them. It's in the middle of the week and there are only few other visitors exploring the three castles due to the rather grayish and cold day, shooting furtive curious glances at them as they try to recognize the two young men, but leaving them alone otherwise. Two young boys ask for autographs with burning faces, bouncing and jumping back to their parents with the autographs pressed against their chests and their smartphones with the selfies they were allowed to take with Erik and Jonas lifted in the air.

Erik looks young and carefree with his baseball cap, one arm wrapped around his knees as he chews on his apple and stares into the distance.

“I can imagine you sitting here like this and watching over Castle Thanstein with your sword in your hand,” Jonas says, and Erik turns his head and smiles at him, a faint blush coloring his cheeks.

“I don't think that I'm good knight-material,” he objects, but Jonas lifts his chin up and purses his lips. “You are perfect knight-material, Erik. Lord Erik of Thanstein, that sounds really good, doesn't it?” he inquires, his heart making a happy flip when the pink color on Erik's cheeks becomes darker and more visible.

“Lord Erik of Thanstein?” his Master wants to know, “not Lord Erik of Trifels? I'd always thought that the Trifels is your favorite castle.”

Jonas smiles wistfully. “It is. The Trifels will always be special to me, and it is for sure one of the most impressive castles I've ever visited. But Castle Thanstein is even more romantic somehow, just look around! All these walls that prove to us how magnificent Castle Thanstein must once have been. I can hardly imagine how our ancestors managed to build such castles and cathedrals without the devices and technique we have nowadays.  
I can't really explain it, but watching you sit here like this I can't help but think of you as a young squire or knight who once lived here, defending his home against each and every attacker. Maybe there was another Erik – one of your ancestors you don't know about – a young lord who went to Castle Trifels when King Richard was captured there. He guarded the Lionheart and served him better than any other squire had ever served him, and Richard fell in love with him and never loved anybody else as much as he'd loved this special squire – even not after his return to England. Wouldn't that be awesome and romantic?”

Jonas' face is burning red now as well, but he likes the thought of Erik having had an ancestor who lived here in this beautiful castle and served the famous English king during his captivity in Castle Trifels. His Master is so beautiful, and Jonas wants to believe that he would even win the hearts of kings and emperors with his beauty and kind nature.

“You would look so good wearing a shining armor – or dressed with those tight pants and tunics young men wore at that time period,” he continues, “I'm sure that King Richard couldn't take his eyes off you – off your ancestor, the other Erik, I mean.”

Erik's smile is pleased and shy at the same time, and Jonas feels hot and flushed with desire and want, wishing that they were alone and could at least kiss each other. It has been so long since they've last kissed – really kissed like lovers do, that is – and the last time Erik tried to kiss him, Jonas pushed him away and sought shelter in Marco's guestroom. He wants to slap himself for his hurtful behavior, and he really longs to make his Master smile and be happy again. Maybe, just maybe, his story will do the trick and show Erik how much Jonas loves and adores him.

“You're a charmer,” Erik chuckles, his wonderful dimples peeking out of their hiding places for the first time after what feels like ages to Jonas.

“No, I'm not, I'm just telling the truth!” the younger one objects, his groin tingling with all the long suppressed desire for his wonderful Master.

“Hmm.” Erik's gaze is dark and heated as he lets his eyes travel up and down on his boy, hazel-green orbs lingering on Jonas' crotch for the blink of an eye. “I feel honored that you consider me being capable of winning the heart of one of the most famous kings who ever lived in this world, sweetheart,” he says, his face becoming serious when he clears his throat. “But no king could ever make me as happy as you, my two other boys and my mate are actually making me happy, Jonas. So please tell me where you were back then when I lived here in Castle Thanstein as a young lord?”

Jonas feels happy and untroubled, lighthearted and cheerful, eager to develop his story further. “I was one of your childhood friends from one of the neighbor castles,” he pauses as he tries to remember the list of castles they have checked on Wikipedia when they were searching for the most interesting ones to visit. “My father was Lord of Castle Ruppertstein. Our fathers were close friends, and we grew up together. I had a huge crush on you but I was too shy to tell you. We shared some sweet and rather innocent kisses and made out a little bit, but nothing more happened between us, and then you were chosen to guard King Richard and serve him as his squire, the greatest honor possible for such a young lord. But it is no wonder that you were the one King Richard wanted as his personal squire as beautiful and brave as you were.”

Erik's eyes are glued to his face as he speaks, and Jonas' heart beats in his throat at the intense gaze that is like a physical caress. He's glad that he's sitting, not even noticing the roughness of the stone through the thin material of his jeans shorts, his knees buckling with the forceful waves of desire coursing through him. Erik has pulled his knees to his chest, but Jonas doesn't need to see his crotch to know that his Master is as hard as he himself is.

“King Richard was an impressive Dom of course, one of the strongest Doms the world had ever seen, and he sensed that you were a Dom like him and decided to teach you what you needed to know to become the most amazing Dom possible next to him. King Richard became your kind and loving teacher, having found one of the few ways how two Doms can be together, and he wanted to make sure that you would find happiness in the arms of a devoted boy when you would have to part again. He introduced you to Blondel, his beloved minstrel, who had searched for him ever since Duke Leopold had trapped the Lionheart. Blondel was King Richard's devoted boy, but he fell in love with you right at first sight when the Lionheart brought you together. The king thought it to be too dangerous to take Blondel back to England with him, fearing that his brother John would harm him if he found out about Richard's feelings for him, and so he left Blondel in Castle Trifels to stay with you when Emperor Heinrich set him free again.”

Erik swallows audibly, and Jonas thinks that he can see tears shimmering in his Master's eyes when he draws in a deep breath. “Your Blondel is our Marco, right?” he asks hoarsely, and Jonas nods his head. Marco might not be the most gracious dancer walking this earth, but his voice is beautiful when he hums or sings one of his favorite songs, and Marco is a real romantic deep in his heart and perfect for the role of the mysterious minstrel from the Blondel-saga. Erik smiles wistfully. “I like that very much, sweetheart, and I agree with you that my love would be a perfect Blondel. Please tell me what happened after Richard's departure.”

Jonas can see how fascinated Erik is as he listens to his story with rapt devotion, and Jonas feels proud and humble at the same time, knowing that this is something only he can do for his Master. Marco and Robert are wonderful boys, and there are a lot of things they can do for Erik to make him happy Jonas will never be as good at as they are, but taking Erik to another world with a fairytale story is something only Jonas can do for him.

“You had proved yourself worthy to guard the imperial insignia together with Emperor Heinrich's personal guard Lord Robert of Lindelborn in the future because of the way you'd served his royal hostage so perfectly, and King Richard was allowed to give you the accolade himself before he departed.  
Lord Robert was a skilled and powerful knight and dauntless warrior, but he'd never been truly happy and fulfilled, and one night he caught you making love to Blondel, finally realizing what he'd been missing so badly the entire time. In this moment when he saw the two of you together and realized that you were Blondel's strong Dom, he realized that only his own surrender to a strong Dom could ever make him happy. You wanted Lord Robert just as much as he wanted you, and Blondel had secretly desired the handsome Lord of Lindelborn for a rather long time as well, and so Lord Robert became your devoted boy too. Nobody knew what was going on between the three of you, and you lived happily for a while like that.”

Erik takes a quick look around before reaching out to tenderly stroke Jonas' hot cheek. “I love you, sweetheart,” he whispers, and Jonas presses his face into the touch and smiles at him. “I love you too, my wonderful Master, I love you so much.”

It is such a relief to say these words out loud again, something he hadn't been able to do after his magical date night with his golden lion, too confused to know his own feelings any longer. Jonas is angry with himself that he could ever doubt his feelings for his first Dom, his first love ever, but he knows for sure that he will never doubt them again, and he longs to see Erik's dimples again, hurrying to go on with his story.

“You were a brave knight now yourself, and brave knights need to have their own squires. There were a lot of young men who would have been happy to serve you, but the only squire you wanted to have was your childhood friend Jonas of Ruppertstein. This is how I came to Castle Trifels. I was jealous like hell of Blondel and Lord Robert at first, but I couldn't stop loving you, and you courted me patiently and helped me to see the truth – namely that I had started to love your two other boys just as much as I loved you.  
We lived together like this for a few years, but something was still missing. We only realized what – or better who – was missing when another strong Dom came to Castle Trifels and Lord Robert fell for him. The Lord of Lindelborn didn't want to betray you, but he couldn't fight against his feelings, and so he asked you to let him spend one night with the proud Lord of Falkenburg. You couldn't stand seeing one of your boys be unhappy, so you allowed Thomas of Falkenburg to have your boy for one night.”

Jonas tilts his head to the side and winks at Erik. “The rest is history. You were still missing your beloved Lionheart, the kind and strong Dom who had shown you who you truly were, and nobody else could ever replace him in your heart, but you had finally found your own true mate in Lord Thomas. We five lived together happily after that, but sometimes we had to part to defend and protect our homes or other castles, and sometimes there were big tournaments where you, Lord Thomas and Lord Robert had to fight and show off their skills. Blondel sometimes joined you because there can't be a real and important tournament without bards who sing for the visitors and knights, and there was no other bard like him to be found at those contests.”

“What about you, sweetheart, who was the one giving you the accolade?” Erik whispers, and Jonas reaches out to offer his hand to his Master. When Erik takes it between his own ones, Jonas smiles at him.

“You of course, Erik. You were the one showing me who I am, and you were the one giving me the accolade. I mostly stayed in Castle Trifels when the four of you had to leave, because one of us always had to stay and protect the imperial insignia. I was fine with that, and you always came back into my arms and let me take care of you after your exhausting journeys and fights.”

Jonas goes silent after his long story, and Erik gently squeezes his fingers. They sit on the rough stonewall for a while, looking thoughtfully over the dark-green hills and mountains, the valleys in between them shimmering in a lighter and softer green. It's cloudy and rather windy, but the view is still breathtakingly beautiful. There are no other visitors at the moment, and Jonas feels himself relax as he soaks up the peace and quiet, drawing comfort out of his story. Jonas wants to believe that there have been five young men who lived together in such a relationship like they're living together, it gives him hope that they will overcome all hardships and obstacles in this life too if they only work hard enough on it.

Jonas is still missing his two mates and his older Dom so much, but it doesn't hurt anymore like their absence has hurt him only two days ago, and he knows that he will see them again and take care of them after the straining and difficult tournament they're going through at the moment. The thin lines of exhaustion and pain around Erik's eyes and his mouth are hardly visible any longer, only when Jonas takes a very close look at his face, and his full lips are soft again, a tiny smile curling around them.

“I'd like to believe that it happened like that, sweetheart,” Erik muses after some time has passed, “I really like the thought of us having lived together like that in another life as well. Maybe it really was like you said, and if it was, then the other Jonas, Marco, Robert, Thomas and Erik might have hoped that they would meet again in the future and be together then as well.”

“I'm sure that they did, Erik,” Jonas gives back, and he climbs from the wall when Erik offers him his hand to help him up.

“Do you want to visit Castle Trifels again, sweetheart? Maybe we will find some proof that your story is much more than only a wonderful story, what do you think?” Erik winks at him, but there is a serious undertone in his voice, and Jonas realizes that his Master is finally ready to talk to him and give him the answers Jonas has been longing for for so long.

Jonas didn't think that this would happen today, but he is happy about that, and which other place could be better than the place where everything began, the special and beautiful castle where their relationship turned into something else, into something so much deeper and more meaningful than what they had shared together before that fateful day.

Jonas straightens his shoulders and nods his head, smiling at his beloved Master. “Yes, Erik, I would like to do that very much. Let's visit Castle Trifels and see whether or not it is still as impressive and beautiful as I remember it to be!”


	5. Truths

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erik and Jonas drive to the Trifels to have their long dreaded talk there - after enjoying a guided tour through the proud castle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest mariothellama,  
> I'm so happy and grateful that this story is helping you through your rough times at least a little bit, I hope that this important chapter will give you a few minutes of comfort as well.

They drive to the Trifels in silence again, but Erik's right hand is resting on Jonas' thigh when he doesn't need it to change gears, and he's smiling during the whole drive to the famous imperial castle.

The path from the parking area up to the Trifels is steeper than Jonas remembers it to be, and he's proud that he's only slightly out of breath when they reach the small booth where they can buy their tickets. The older lady sitting behind the glass smiles at them, telling them that they can join the guided tour if they want to, starting in about ten minutes, and Erik smiles back at her and nods his head after a short glance at Jonas for confirmation that Jonas wants to make the tour as well.

There are only few people waiting for the tour guide, four older couples and a young family with two little boys who seem to be Americans. They get a few curious glances again, but Jonas ignores them as he strolls along the reddish walls to look down into the abyss. The two castles Anebos and Scharfenberg that had once been built on the mountain lying next to the Trifels to protect the imperial castle peek out between the green trees; and Jonas busies himself with taking several pictures while Erik just leans against the wall, content with watching his boy enjoying himself.

Their guide is a small woman with ageless features and the beautiful name Mathilda, whose eyes widen in astonishment when she realizes that she has two well-known footballers among her tour members. But she is professional enough not to ask for an autograph straight away, and Erik's friendly smile encourages her to give her best and make this tour a very special one. Jonas climbs the steep stairs to the tower and listens to Mathilda's explanations with fascination, and he looks around carefully and attentively as he imagines the Lionheart striding proudly through the palas with his head held up high and Erik walking behind him as his faithful squire.

Erik's cheeks are glowing pink whenever he catches Jonas looking at him, and it is quite obvious that he's doing the same, searching for any proof that Jonas' story might be much more than only a wonderful fairytale. Jonas hopes that they will come back here again one day together with Marco, Robert and Thomas, because he really needs to show his beloved ones this beautiful castle when he's telling them his special story.

When the tour is over, Erik and Jonas take Mathilda in their middle to take some selfies together with her, and her genuine smile when she says goodbye to them warms Jonas' heart and makes him smile back and thank her for the tour once more.

They wave at her until Mathilda is out of sight before strolling over to the breastwork where they will have some privacy for their important talk. It's the place where they had their first big quarrel after months of struggling with their roles – with Jonas struggling with his role in their relationship most of all.

It's the perfect place to have their oh so needed talk now too, Jonas thinks, the perfect place to finally face the inner demons that are still haunting him from time to time. He leans against the breastwork next to Erik, watching him from the side, waiting patiently for his Master to open up their conversation and start to speak.

 

***

 

His Master remains quiet for a few minutes, and Jonas focuses on his breathing, feeling nervous all of a sudden. Erik eventually turns around to face him, and Jonas does the same, longing to touch him, but clenching his fingers around the rough stone instead.

Erik smiles uncertainly at him, and he reaches out to stroke his flushed cheek in a brief, feather-light touch. The tender caress soothes Jonas instantly, and he smiles back at the older one, determined not to let his defiance take over control again, no matter what Erik will tell him.

“I'm so sorry for hurting you so much, sweetheart. Please believe me that I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to feel left out or to give you the feeling that I wanted to neglect you, and I'm angry with myself that I let my own problems affect my behavior towards you so much.”

Jonas hadn't expected Erik's first words to be an apology, and he relaxes gratefully, wanting to ease his Master's mind. “I'm sorry too, Erik. I should have told you much sooner how I felt instead of expecting you to read my mind and pouting in silence because I thought myself to be mistreated by you.”

Erik's smile is soft and his eyes sparkle with love when he returns Jonas' gaze openly and without hiding his emotion. “You didn't want to burden me with your needs, sweetheart. You wanted to be strong and not make it harder for me, but instead of acknowledging that, I gave you the feeling that I don't care enough about you any longer. Please don't you ever think that your needs could be a burden for me, Jonas, the opposite is true. I know that you're sometimes keeping your feelings and thoughts to yourself because you want to be strong and brave, but you being open to me or your other Dom about what you need and struggle with will never make you weak.”

Erik raises his hand to silence him when Jonas opens his mouth to speak up again. “I've made the same mistake as you did, Jonas – the same mistake I've made back then before we stood here arguing for the first time. I kept my thoughts to myself and avoided this confrontation with you because I feared that you would take it the wrong way and draw false conclusions if I admitted my deepest thoughts and fears to you. I feared that doing that would make me appear weak in your eyes. So I didn't tell you how I felt and made you doubt my deep love for you.”

Jonas is truly stunned now, and he keeps his mouth shut, sensing that there is more Erik has to tell him. So he only smiles at his Master again, putting his hand on the wall where Erik's hand is gripping the red stone, careful not to touch him without permission, but close enough that Erik will get his unspoken offer. His beautiful Master does, relaxing his fingers until their hands touch at their fingertips. It's only a light touch, but it's enough to soothe and reassure both of them.

“The last weeks and months have been difficult for me as you know, sweetheart, even more knowing that my beloved club would be more than happy to sell me.” Erik swallows and turns his head away for a moment. Jonas entangles their fingertips in wordless comfort, waiting patiently for his Master to find his composure again.

“Dortmund has become my home, and the mere thought of having to leave the BVB and play for another club makes me feel cold inside. It's so hard to keep up appearances in public all of the time, to always smile and look carefree and positive when you know that your future is more than uncertain and your career might as well be over with only twenty-six.” Erik looks at him again. “I didn't tell you about this offer because I still don't really know myself what to make out of it, Jonas. I can't tell you what I don't know myself, but I understand that it looked like me wanting to keep secrets from you, and I'm truly sorry for that too. I'm not the kind of Master thinking that I have the right to know everything about my boys while keeping my own thoughts a mystery to them, but I just couldn't talk about Huddersfield to anyone until now. I can hardly stand thinking about it myself...” His voice trails off, and he averts his eyes for a second as he tries to keep his self-control.

The footballer Jonas had realized that days ago, and he'd already told the boy Jonas to finally stop pouting and not make it harder for their beloved Master than it actually is. “I know, Erik. It took me some time to understand that, but I finally did, and I will wait patiently until you're ready to talk about Huddersfield without pushing you. As much as I want you to stay, but not for the price of your career. Our love is strong enough to survive the distance, and I will support you unquestioningly, my Master.” It is hard for him to say these words, but he really means it, and he knows that Erik would support him unquestioningly if he was in Erik's shoes and had to make such a decision in order to save his career.

Erik swallows. “Thank you, sweetheart. I don't deserve your forgiveness just like that after keeping you in suspense for so long, but I'm grateful for it.” He pauses, and his next words are barely audible. “I so longed to talk about Huddersfield with you, Jonas, please believe me in that. You were actually the only one I wanted to talk to about this damn transfer. But I simply couldn't talk about me perhaps leaving Dortmund with Marco, Robert and Thomas – not before them going to Russia at least - and it seemed to be unfair to tell you what I couldn't tell them, so I remained silent and kept everything inside.”

Jonas' heart makes a flip at that, and warmth is filling him at the realization that Erik wanted to share with him what he couldn't share with his two older boys or his own mate. It makes him feel special and cherished, and he chides himself for having doubted Erik's love for him and his own love for his Master.

“Your trust honors me, Erik,” he whispers, and Erik squeezes his fingers.

“Trusting you is so easy, Jonas. Sometimes I think that I trust you more than I trust myself. You know me better than anybody else in this world knows me – you only don't believe that you know me so well, and that's our biggest problem, I think.”

Erik regards Jonas thoughtfully, and Jonas realizes that Erik might be right with that. “You were the one showing me who I truly am, Jonas. You were my first true love, my first boyfriend, my first man and my first boy.  
You were the one making me realize that I can never be as happy with a woman by my side as I was with another man, and you were the one showing me that it is possible to be together with another man and yet become a professional footballer. You were the one making me realize my dominant nature – my need to take care of a beloved boy and live together with him as equals in a relationship based on love, trust and respect.  
I never thought you to be the weaker part in our relationship just because you needed me to be your caring Dom to be happy and fulfilled, Jonas. On the contrary, you are for sure one of the strongest people I've ever met, and you being my boy will never change that. It pains me to see you struggling with your own nature so much, sweetheart, that you're still thinking so little of yourself sometimes.  
I'd be nothing without you, my beloved boy, you are the one making me strong and happy with your surrender, and I do believe that I need you more than you actually need me – something I am struggling with quite a lot lately.”

Jonas gapes at his Master, not sure that he has heard right. Erik is always so strong and self-confident, he always seems to know the solution for each and every problem, and he never seems to struggle with himself and what or who he actually is. With his career and his injuries, yes, but never with being a Dom and wanting to have devoted boys and to love and take care of them.

“I didn't know that,” is all he can croak out after some seconds, and Erik smiles sadly at him. “I know, sweetheart. You're still showing me who I am every single day of my life, and your love and your willingness to surrender to me is the most precious gift imaginable to me – even more because I know that doing that is so much harder for you than it is for Marco and Robert. I am so grateful that I am loved by all of you, that I am allowed to take care of three such amazing boys like you and your wonderful mates truly are.”

Erik pauses, drawing in a shaky breath, and he stares at the large tree hiding them from prying eyes for a moment before turning back to face Jonas. “I am happy and grateful, and I love Marco, Robert and Thomas more than I can express with words, but I found myself thinking of the times when it was just you and me quite a lot lately as well. When we were only boyfriends and nothing more - when everything seemed to be so much clearer and easier,” his Master adds very quietly, and Jonas wants to cry when he sees the expression on his face, self-accusation written all over Erik's beautiful features.

He squeezes Erik's fingers firmly and tenderly at the same time, and Erik's lips twitch into a small smile. “That's the reason why it was so hard for me to talk to you, Jonas – why I kept my distance to you. I shouldn't feel that way because it didn't work out back then and because such thoughts are going against everything that defines me. I've never wanted Marco or Robert to be just boyfriends to me, and I really need you to be my beloved boy, but sometimes I can't help but wish that I could turn back time and go back to what we once had.”

Several emotions are flickering over Erik's face, and Jonas can see his Master's fears that his boy will take advantage of his confession and respect him less because of what he's just revealed, but the older one doesn't try to hide his emotions from him or turn his head away, showing his thoughts openly to his boy.

It takes a lot of courage to reveal your deepest fears and needs to another being, even if it is your beloved boy, and Jonas thinks that he has never felt more respect for his Master or loved him more than he loves and respects him in this moment. He remembers what his golden lion had told him after their wonderful date night – that it is okay to feel the way he does, and that every boy is different and needs different things to be happy and fulfilled. The same goes for every Dom, and accepting those differences has nothing to do with the Dom being weak and just giving in to their boy, nor will it make the boy respect his Dom any less. It also doesn't mean that the other boys will be neglected or treated the wrong way, it's actually the only way how their fivesome can truly work.

Marco needs to be spanked now and then to be happy and fulfilled, Robert needs to be blindfolded from time to time to be able to surrender completely. He loves it when Thomas uses the plug on him like he's told Jonas with red cheeks a couple of months ago, and both Marco and Robert need to hold back for their two Doms most of the times until they're allowed to come to be truly satisfied.

Jonas on the other hand needs to be just Thomas or Erik's boyfriend for a few hours to be able to surrender happily to his Dom and his Master afterwards again, and there is actually nothing wrong with needing that. It has nothing to do with him failing his two beloved Doms or his two mates in any way, it's just who and what he is, and his wonderful night with Thomas helped him with coming to terms and making his peace with his feelings and his needs as he now realizes gratefully.

He should have known that Erik was feeling the same way, he really should have known the reason for Erik's strange behavior. If he hadn't been so busied with circling around himself and what he wanted and needed only, then he would have realized much sooner that his Master actually craved the same things he was longing for so badly. Erik is right, Jonas does know him much better than most other people do, and he should have had more faith in both of them and their relationship, trusting them to still be in sync and wanting the same.

Not the lack of love or desire was what kept Erik away from him, but his bad conscience that he was longing for something he could never share with his two other boys or his mate. Jonas feels his hurt about Erik's night with Marco and Robert fade away, and he doesn't want to know what they did in that night any longer. His wonderful Master was right, Jonas doesn't need to know what Erik is doing with Marco and Robert or with Thomas when he's spending some time together with them without Jonas - all he needs to know is that Erik loves him.

Jonas moves closer to Erik until they're almost touching, and he lays all of the love he feels for this amazing man in his gaze when he looks up at the taller one. “There's nothing wrong with that, my beloved Master,” he says tenderly, sensing how important it is for Erik that he's addressing him as his Master in this moment. “I will always be your devoted boy. You were the one showing me who I am, you were the one helping me to discover and accept my deepest needs and my own true self. You are my first love, my first boyfriend, my first man and my first Dom, and this will never change, my beloved Master.  
You are the one making me feel strong and happy with your love, your trust and your tender care, and I need you just as much as you need me. I want to be your beloved boy with all my heart, but sometimes I'm thinking of the times when we were just boyfriends too. Sometimes I need to be just your boyfriend for a few hours until I feel strong enough to be your boy again, and that's okay. You'll never have to fear that I will respect you any less because you want the same.  
You will always be my Master – even when we're just boyfriends for a couple of hours. And you're right, I shouldn't have doubted you – and most of all I shouldn't have doubted myself – as much as I did lately. I should have trusted you and told you how I feel and what I need without fearing that you wouldn't listen to me. I can't promise that I will never make the same mistake again – you know my defiant side – but I will do my best to trust you and myself more in the future.”

Jonas gently puts his finger onto Erik's lips when the older one tries to speak. It's just a brief touch for a split second, but it's enough for Erik to kiss his finger before Jonas pulls away again. “Plus, you're right with what you said about all of us needing privacy. My insecurity and frustration about myself and my submissive nature was the reason for my jealousy, not you not showing me your love enough. I was selfish when I expected you to focus your attention on me alone right before their departure and after your own long and straining rehab. You have never let me down in all those years, and I should have realized that Marco and Robert needed you more at that time. I'm sorry that I didn't want to see that and that I ran away from you and hurt you so much when you needed me.”

“I wasn't angry with you, sweetheart. I could feel how confused you were.” Erik smiles at him, stroking Jonas' face. “Being in love with four other men is wonderful but also difficult and pretty scary at times, and I know that you needed that time for yourself – especially after having been so close to my beloved mate right before he had to leave us. And then I was leaving you as well, going on holidays with my friends, but I really needed this break – not from you, sweetheart, but from anything else.”

Jonas nods his head. “Yes, I know, Erik. We have both made the mistake of not talking to each other about the things we need, but we're together now and doing that, and that's all that counts, isn't it?”

Erik takes his hand to press another kiss onto his fingers. “Yes, it is, sweetheart. And I'm so glad that we're finally talking openly to each other again – doing that here where our bond became so strong.”

“I'm glad about that too, Erik. We both needed to come here again and remember what's truly important and what really matters,” Jonas says, feeling as hopeful and happy as he hasn't felt in a very long time. There is still the deep concern he feels after the terrible performances of their teams, but Jonas knows that he will be strong for his two mates and his other Dom after their return – even if the worst case happens and they have to leave straight after the first round of the World Cup. With Erik by his side, being his loving Master, Jonas will be strong enough to face their disappointment and hurt, and he will be there for them and give them what they need together with his wonderful Master and without being selfish this time.

Erik looks happy too, his beautiful hazel-green eyes shining like precious gems. His gaze is full of love and longing for his youngest boy, the same longing Jonas feels, and his heart makes another somersault when Erik shifts closer to him to whisper into his ear:

“Will you be my boy again in every sense of the meaning then, Jonas? Will you be my boy and my boyfriend tonight and let me show you how much I love and desire you?”


	6. Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jonas and Erik have talked to each other, sharing a passionate night with each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My dearest mariothellama,  
> I'm so glad that I can post the last chapter of your story today, I hope that Jonas and Erik's re-bonding will be special and what you hoped for! <33
> 
> I left Erik's canceled transfer as vague as possible as there isn't much information we actually have, and I also decided not to focus on the lost games too much, but on Jonas and Erik's relationship instead.

Erik lets Jonas drive back home this time.

His Master simply smiles when he offers him the key to his car, and Jonas feels proud and giddy at the same time when he climbs into it, stroking over the steering wheel in a loving gesture. It's just as if it would still radiate the warmth of Erik's hands, and Jonas drives very carefully, smiling to himself when he sees his Master leaning against the backrest of the passenger seat and closing his eyes to take a short nap until they will be back at home.

The drive calms Jonas down, which is a good thing because he feels as nervous as he felt when he visited Erik a couple of years ago – knowing that 'it' would happen in that night. They had been together for several months, and Erik had already given himself to Jonas, not afraid to let his younger boyfriend be the first one to top. Jonas had needed more time for that, and Erik had never pushed him, waiting patiently until his sweetheart was ready for this important step in their relationship.

It was also the night when their relationship and their roles started to change, slowly and unnoticed at first – until their first big quarrel had forced them to come to terms with the fact that they both needed something they didn't even know how to call it at that time.

Jonas lets his thoughts stroll and wander around while he's driving them back to Erik's childhood home, and he is surprised about how much time has passed when he finally turns into the driveway.

Erik stirs and rubs his eyes, covering his mouth with his hand to stifle a heartfelt yawn. His features are relaxed and unguarded when he turns his head to look at his boy, but there is a predatory glint in his eyes that sends a shiver down on Jonas' spine.

It's a good thing that they decided to have dinner in the restaurant lying next to the parking area at the base of the Trifels before they went back home, because Jonas is pretty sure that he won't get anything to eat when they'll have entered the house – not with Erik looking at him like that.

“Are you hungry, sweetheart?” his Master asks nevertheless, because Jonas' well-being will always come first to him.

“Hmm, not really, not for food at least,” Jonas admits, his honesty earning him a bright smile and another intense glance that is even more predatory and hungry than the first one was. “That's good,” his Master purrs, and Jonas' manhood twitches in its tight prison, eager to be freed and get some undivided attention.

It has been so long since Erik has made love to him, and Jonas feels dizzy with the forceful wave of desire surging through him. They stumble out of the car and into the house, and Erik's arms are around him and his mouth is upon his lips the second the door has closed behind them, the taller one pressing his willing prey against the hard wood of the front door as he plunders his mouth with passion and devotion.

Jonas opens his mouth for him, welcoming Erik's tender tongue when his Master pushes it between his lips, so happy that he wants to cry. Erik's arms are holding him tight and safe, and Jonas wraps his own arms as tightly around his Master as he's able to do, wishing again that he could crawl into him until they are truly one single being.

Erik draws back from his tingling lips to look at him, stroking Jonas' heated cheeks with his hand. “I need you, sweetheart, I need to be close to you,” he breathes, and Jonas lets out a small whimper of longing. “Need you too, my Master, need you so much!”

“There will be only one rule tonight, sweetheart, only one, but it's an important one,” Erik says, and Jonas blinks and tries to focus on his words, missing the older one's lips upon his own so much.

“Which rule, Erik?” he asks urgently, craving to crash their lips together and lose himself in Erik's warmth again.

“Honesty, sweetheart. You will tell me what you want and need openly and without fear.”

“Yes, Erik.” Jonas licks over his tingling lips. “I need to feel you, Erik, I need to touch and kiss you without having to ask... I need you to make love to me, please...”

“Anything you need, my beloved boy, always,” his Master promises him, and this is enough for Jonas to pull his head down and kiss him with all he has, his world shrinking to the small spot where they are standing in the gloomy hallway. They make their way upstairs without breaking their deep kiss, pulling and tearing at the offending garment that keeps them from touching warm and fragrant skin. They're naked when they finally reach Erik's bed, their clothes lost on their way to the room where they made love for the very first time, where Jonas gifted Erik with his virginity.

He falls onto the mattress with Erik on top of him, and they only break their kiss when they're running out of air to take some hasty breaths before trying to literally eat each other again. Erik's hands are everywhere upon Jonas' burning body, stroking and caressing and teasing until Jonas' mind is spinning with the raw need and desire coursing through his veins like liquid fire. He tries to return the favor, but Erik doesn't give him any chance to do that, drawing back from his swollen lips to kiss his way up and down on his body until there isn't one single spot left unkissed and uncaressed.

Jonas whimpers and writhes on the cool sheets, arching his back to feel Erik's hot lips better on his damp skin, shivering when his Master busies himself with licking and kissing his sensitive nipples. Erik's beautiful hands are stroking up and down on his quivering flanks, and he whispers tender and ardent words of love and passion against Jonas' heated flesh until his boy doesn't know his own name any longer. He's so hard and aching for his Master, his first love, his everything, and he can feel that Erik is longing for him with the same force and urgency, his gorgeous cock brushing over Jonas' trembling thighs when he moves, leaving damp traces on Jonas' hot skin.

“Love you, sweetheart, love you so. You're mine, you'll always be mine.” Yes, Jonas will always be Erik's, his beloved boy and his boyfriend and everything Erik wants and needs him to be, and he succumbs to the waves of lust shooting through him, letting Erik worship his body just like Erik needs to do it in this moment.

Erik's lips are back on his mouth when his Master fumbles for the small bottle in the drawer of his nightstand, his tongue demanding entrance once more, and Jonas wants to spread his legs to give the older one access to his most private parts, but Erik straddles him instead, coating Jonas' throbbing length with the cool liquid.

He hadn't expected this, he hadn't expected that his Master would want to bottom for him at first – even though he shouldn't really be surprised about it. Erik has always loved to bottom for his boys, always staying in charge of their lovemaking - even when he was the one lying on his back. The prospect of being allowed to take him after several long weeks pulls an ardent moan from Jonas, and he has to bite the insides of his cheeks to keep his self-control.

Erik is so beautiful in his arousal, kneeling over him and staring down at him with hooded eyes, his tanned skin shimmering with the sweat of their ardent making out and his lust. He braces his left hand against his boy's chest when he takes Jonas' aching cock into his right one to guide it where he longs to feel it, slowly sinking down as he impales himself on Jonas' proud erection.

Erik's nostrils flare, but he doesn't wince when Jonas breeches the tight rim, just exhales with a contented sigh and pushes further down, burying Jonas' cock inside himself until he's fully seated. Jonas reaches out to touch his pulsing member, but Erik pushes his hand away and wraps his own long and elegant fingers around himself.

Jonas' throat goes dry at the sight, and another moan escapes his bruised lips. Masturbation has always been something deeply private for him, and he needed a rather long time until he could do that while being watched by his Master and his beloved mates. Erik never ordered him to do it in front of his beloved ones, but Jonas knew that he needed to get comfortable with the thought because of Robert living so far away in Munich, and expecting his Blacky and his Blondie to do that for him without returning the favor seemed to be unfair.

Jonas has enjoyed watching Marco and Robert jerking off for him a lot of times over the last three years, but he can count the times he was allowed to watch his Master jerking off on two hands, and the mere thought of Erik doing that for him now is almost enough to push him over the edge right there and then.

Erik's eyes light up when he sees what he's doing to his boy, and he tightens his grip around his impressive cock with a smirk, making sure that Jonas can see everything when he starts to stroke himself lazily. His Master is so tight and hot around him, his silken walls massaging Jonas' dick when he tenses his muscles around him.

“Erik...” Jonas gasps out, grabbing his hips because he really needs something to hold on to. His eyes are glued to the wonderful sight, and he bites down on his bottom lip to keep himself from losing it too soon. His Master hasn't ordered him to hold back, but Jonas won't come before Erik has found his satisfaction, no way. This is not about him and what he needs this time, this is about Erik and what he must secretly have longed for for a rather long time. They are still Master and boy – they will always be Master and boy - but they are also boyfriends, two young men crazy in love who have gone through a difficult time in their relationship, needing to find their way back to each other.

Jonas didn't think that Erik would let him watch him pleasuring himself and see him vulnerable when he's finally taking what he craved for, and it makes the younger one feel humble and grateful that his Master trusts him enough to show him what he needs so openly.

He focuses his senses on Erik when he begins to move up and down above him, pushing himself down on Jonas' hard cock again and again. He drinks in the amazing sight of his beautiful Master stroking his twitching and leaking dick in times to his motions, head thrown back in pleasure, eyes squeezed shut and his full pink lips slightly parted with the moans he doesn't try to hold inside any longer. Jonas strains his ears not to miss any sound Erik is making for him, and his hands stroke over the smooth and warm skin of Erik's butt cheeks of their own will, telling his Master how cherished and loved he is.

Erik is already close to his climax, his walls clenching and pulsing erratically around Jonas' aching shaft, massaging him so delicately and exquisitely. Jonas bucks his hips up to meet his desperate movements, digging his nails into Erik's round cheeks to to reach for the spot deep inside him that will make stars explode before his eyes. Erik cries out when Jonas hits his prostate for the first time, the changed angle serving to push him deeper and deeper into Erik's secret core. They're both sweating and panting, and Erik is stroking himself feverishly now, poised on the brink to an incredible orgasm. Jonas doesn't know from where he takes the strength to hold himself back and not just spill his overwhelming ecstasy into the heavenly tight heat enclosing him so perfectly, but he won't come before his Master, and if it is the last thing he does in this world. He really doesn't want to miss anything, and he holds his breath when Erik goes rigid above him, voicing his ecstasy with one single sharp cry.

Times stands still as Jonas watches Erik coming undone, spurting his release warm and wet all over his fingers and Jonas' abdomen, the heavy throbbing of his passage massaging Jonas' dick with every new wave of ecstasy coursing through his Master almost too much to bear. Erik shudders and shivers through his forceful height, and Jonas holds his hips to steady him and make sure that the man he loves more than life itself can savor his ecstasy to the fullest.

“Love you, my Master, love you Erik, love you so.” His lips are moving, but Jonas isn't sure if Erik can hear him. It doesn't really matter though, he is sure that Erik knows how much he loves him.

Erik is still his first in so many ways, the center of his world, and Jonas gratefully lets go of his iron-self-control when the older one slumps down on him, searching for his trembling lips to kiss him when Jonas loses himself in the throes of passion and pumps his own painfully intense release deep inside his Master.

Erik swallows his breathless moans with his passionate lips, and they stay like this for a long time when it is finally over and Jonas is done with coming so hard that he can see entire galaxies explode before his closed eyes.

 

***

 

It's warm and comfortable and soothing, Erik lying halfway on top of him as they share lazy kisses. Their bodies are sated for now, but their hearts are still aching and craving for love and contact, and they can't stop kissing and touching each other after the long time they weren't together like lovers.

Jonas doesn't care about the mess they've made and wiped away only partly with some tissues, and his Master obviously doesn't care about the sticky feeling either, content with murmuring sweet nonsense into his ear and teasing him with tender kisses.

Erik's lips are everywhere on his face, his fingers carding tenderly through his tousled hair, and Jonas wants to purr for him, uttering his happiness with small sounds while he's chasing after the soft pink lips of his beloved one.

“Do you still remember our second first night, Erik? The night when you took my virginity, I mean?” Jonas dares to ask after a few more deep and tender kisses with their tongues touching and teasing each other, dancing curiously around in the soft caverns they have explored so often and which are still always as new, tempting and exciting as they were when they kissed for the very first time.

Erik raises his head to look at him, his eyes sparkling green and golden in the soft light of the setting sun shining through the window. It's still rather early, but Jonas doesn't want to leave their shelter and go out, he wants to stay here forever with the man who showed him who he truly is, offering the world to him when he gifted his heart and his love to him.

“Of course I remember that night, sweetheart. How could I ever forget the night when you became mine with so much love and trust?” Erik smiles at him, and his fingers caress Jonas' face with greatest care and rapt devotion. “How could I ever forget the way you looked at me when I was inside you for the first time. Nothing could ever make me forget that night, Jonas. Nobody and nothing. This night is carved into my heart forever. You're still as beautiful as you were back then, all shining and sparkling. No, I'm not right, you're even more beautiful now, sweetheart.”

Jonas pulls Erik's head down for another kiss. “I want you to make love to me like you did in that night, Erik – when you became my beloved Master, even though we both didn't know it back then. I want you to make love to me as if it was the very first time,” Jonas whispers against Erik's soft lips, and Erik cups his head with both hands at that and kisses him as if his life depended on it.

It probably does, because Jonas feels like dying if Erik won't make love to him tonight, and he's certain that his Master feels the same way.

“I love you so much, Jonas. Please don't you ever doubt my love for you,” Erik murmurs when he takes the bottle again, this time to coat his fingers and prepare his boy in the most tender way. Jonas can take Erik without preparation, and he has done so before, but this time, Erik will take him the way he did all those years ago when Jonas gave himself to him for the first time, and he takes his time, rubbing tender circles around Jonas' quivering entrance before pushing in with one gentle digit.

Their desire for each other is building slowly and delicately, anticipation tingling deep in Jonas belly. They kiss and stroke each other with their free hands, lips whispering words of longing against warm skin. “I love you, Erik,” Jonas says when Erik finally pulls his fingers out, aching so much for his Master to fill him with his love that it is a physical pain in his chest. He's lying on his back looking up at the older one with love and trust, and he moans with relief when Erik gently pushes into him, pausing every now and then to give his boy time to adjust to his size.

Jonas wouldn't need that time, but he wanted Erik to make love to him like he made love to him in their first night, and Erik proves to him that he hasn't forgotten any single detail about his first time being on top. He moves like he moved back then, only the clumsiness isn't there this time, and Jonas almost regrets it, but only almost, too happy to feel his Master so close to really care about the small difference that proves that they have done this before many times.

He keeps his hips still at first, remembering how overwhelmed and surprised he was when Erik was sheathed to the hilt inside him for the first time, and he searches for Erik's lips and kisses him, clinging to Erik's shoulders for dear life.

“Don't be afraid, sweetheart, I won't hurt you.” They both smile at Erik's words, the same words he whispered in that night so long ago. “I know that you won't, Erik,” Jonas says, and it suddenly strikes him odd that he never had a real petname for Erik, even not when they'd been just boyfriends. Erik never asked him to use one, and they'd both always been fine with Erik calling Jonas sweetheart and Jonas simply calling him Erik.

Calling Erik 'Master' in some situations feels right and appropriate, but Jonas could never bring himself to call Erik by any other name than his own, and his Master never complained about it. Jonas has never heard Marco or Robert call Erik by any other name than Erik or 'Master' either, Thomas is the only one in their fivesome calling Erik by a petname – 'hazel-eye'.

But Thomas is a Dom himself and therefore Erik's mate and not his boy, so that's probably the reason for that. Jonas does have a petname for his second Dom, calling Thomas his lion, but it's not because Jonas would love Thomas more than he loves Erik. They are just two totally different kind of Doms, and calling Thomas his lion feels as natural as it feels to call Erik by his name only.

Jonas has a lot of ways to make 'Erik' sound different, sometimes like a happy or sated purr, sometimes like a caress or a real touch itself and sometimes just like a name. Maybe this is enough for Erik, Jonas thinks, but his thoughts vanish into the fragrant air when his Master starts to move, pulling out and pushing in again in a smooth and steady rhythm. Erik is holding him close, and it fells so right and perfect to move like this, with Jonas' arms wrapped around Erik's shoulders and Erik dabbing tender kisses all over his face. His neglected cock twitches against the hard muscles of Erik's abdomen, seeking delicious friction, and Jonas is torn between his wish to wrap his legs around Erik's slim waist and his desire to be touched where he's so hard and aching for his first love, first boyfriend, first man and his first Dom.

Erik chuckles when Jonas' sigh makes its way to his ears, and he takes the decision away from his boy when he changes the angle of his thrusts and sneaks his hand between their connected bodies to make sure that Jonas will be completely satisfied when this night is over. He stroked him back then when he made love to him for the first time as well, not trusting his skills enough that he would be able to make his sweetheart come untouched as inexperienced and insecure as he felt all those years ago.

Clever fingers massage Jonas' hard shaft just like he needs it, firm and fast enough to push him towards the edge slowly enough but unstoppable. “Can you feel how much I desire you, Jonas? Can you feel how hard I am for you?” Erik asks, his voice sounding like the low purr of a big cat, sending shivers along Jonas' spine.

“Yes, I can feel it, Erik. I desire you too!” he gasps out, earning a pleased purr and a passionate kiss that silences his gasps and sighs effectively. He's so hard for his Master, the sensitive tip of his swollen cock slippery with the pleasure Erik's ardent preparation has milked from him, and he can feel the tension of another intense orgasm building deep in his groin, the flames of his lust licking higher and higher until they threaten to burn him.

“You're mine, sweetheart, mine all of the time,” Erik growls possessively, and his words are enough to make his boy come right on the spot. Jonas cries out into their kiss and arches his back from the mattress, heavy shudders wrecking his body as he spills into Erik's hand. His crumbling walls milk Erik's own climax from him, and Jonas cries out again when Erik's claim fills him in fast jets, warm wetness spurting against his most sensitive spot. Sensing his Master reaching his own height of ecstasy prolongs his own pleasure, and Jonas gives in to the breathtaking sensations coursing through him until he's totally spent and has nothing more to give.

He pulls Erik close when the older one relaxes with a sigh, stroking his hair and inhaling deeply his wonderful scent. His Master smells of sun and healthy young man, of passion, fresh sweat and sex, but most of all he smells of home and love, and Jonas buries his nose in the warm crook between his neck and his shoulder, feeling happy, strong and so loved.

They fall asleep snuggled close together some hours later, satisfied and reassured of their deep love for each other, Erik's soft and steady breaths lulling Jonas to sleep like a lullaby.

 

***

 

The next game of their team leaves them tentatively hopeful for a few days, but Robert's team loses their second match as well, and Jonas' heart wants to break when he sees his beloved Blacky sitting on the grass afterwards, looking so crestfallen and devastated. Erik spends a lot of time typing on his phone after that game, but Jonas doesn't mind, knowing that his mate needs their Master more than he needs him now – even if it is only via messages.

They spend their time with more hiking and talking, feeling so close to each other like they haven't felt in months, and when Erik comes back from one of his talks to his agency the day before they have to drive back to Dortmund, Jonas just takes him in his arms and holds him close when he sees the look on his face.

“I couldn't do it, Jonas. I just couldn't. They will say that it's because of the money, that I was too greedy and wanted more than I deserve, but I don't care. I probably ruined my last chance to save my career, but I just can't leave, not now and not this way. I will try to prove myself worthy to be a part of the team, and if my club still wants to sell me in a couple of weeks or next winter, then I have to accept it, but I just can't leave you – all of you. Thomas and Robert will need me... Marco will need me...” His voice trails off, and his Master draws in a shaky breath that sounds like a sob.

They both know that the chances that their team won't make it through the first round or to the quarter finals are pretty high – despite the last-minute win against Sweden – and Jonas pulls the older one close and makes soothing sounds, offering his wonderful and always so strong Master his shoulder to lean on. Even people as strong and self-confident as Erik actually is need a shoulder to lean on once in a while, and Jonas is happy that he's allowed to be his tower of strength for once. Erik has always been his shoulder when he needed it, and they are equals, their temporarily changed roles not changing what they are for each other or diminishing their love in any way.

Erik is trembling in his arms, and Jonas knows that he needs to be strong for him now – for his Master, his lion and his two beloved mates. “I know, Erik, I know. You don't need to explain yourself, not to me. And you're not alone, I'll be there for you and our beloved ones. We'll go through this together. Always together, no matter what the future brings, I promise you.” Jonas keeps rubbing tender circles on Erik's back until he relaxes in his arms, and the kiss they share afterwards is Jonas' silent promise that he will never doubt Erik's love for him again.

 

***

 

They drive back to Dortmund the day before their team has to play against South Korea, making themselves comfortable in the still far too big and far too empty house as best they're able to do under the circumstances. Jonas does the needed shopping to give Erik some time for himself, sensing that his Master is not ready to face the world outside at the moment.

They watch the game snuggled close together on the huge couch, Erik's fingers squeezing his own so hard that Jonas' knuckles turn white. But he doesn't try to pull away, and he holds his Master tight again when the final whistle confirms what they'd already feared and known before.

Their lovemaking is rough and desperate in that night, and Jonas lies awake for a long time when Erik has finally succumbed to the slumber of exhaustion, staring at the dark ceiling and carding his fingers through the soft strands of Erik's light-brown hair.

Robert has typed them that he needs some time for himself and wants to visit his family in Poland for a few days before coming back to them, but Thomas and Marco will arrive the next day, and when they do, Jonas will be there for them and for his beloved Master, his first love, first boyfriend, first man and first Dom.

Erik was the one showing Jonas who he is, and Jonas promises to himself that he will never ever forget that again when he finally closes his eyes, a small hopeful smile tugging at his lips. His lion, his Blacky and his Blondie will need them after their return, and Jonas will be strong for them and give them what they need unquestioningly together with Erik's help.

Together they will go through this, overcoming all the hardships and obstacles life has thrown in their way. They will come out of this dark tunnel stronger than before because as long as they have each other, they will always be fine in the end, Jonas knows that for sure.


End file.
